There is this common belief that when someone says or does something that is ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ that THEY must be at fault. Along with this belief comes the usual, reacting, shaming and blaming. But the truth is that the other person is NEVER the real problem … YOU are!

The issue is never about the other person, but always about the judgement that we hold about whatever the other is saying or doing.

I get that many will argue this but I LOVE knowing this.
I love knowing that I am not at the mercy of what someone says or does… unless I choose to.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s possibly THE most challenging practice to live by but also the most empowering one.


Because when YOU realise that what other people say or do has nothing to do with YOU, and it really never does, you stop blaming the other for the things YOU don’t like about them because in the end, every time we think we have a problem with someone, and I’m using the word think on purpose, it is NEVER about the other person and always about how WE relate with what the other person has said or done. In the end the issue is always about US.
Everytime you react to what someone says or does, it’s because it has brought you face to face with your own fears and judgements about yourself.

When we react to what a person says or does, it is always because we have a belief that we hold about ourselves or the world, that we think is wrong. We react as a means to protect that part of us that feels threatened.

But the key element here is NOT to focus on why we think the other person is wrong but instead to identify WHY we think we are right and to question that idea.
The idea is to question our beliefs so that we can FREE ourselves from our own judgement. We do not need to free ourselves from what the other person is saying or doing but from why we think they should or should not do what they are doing or saying.

When we do this we are no longer giving our power away. We are no longer the effect of the other and not just, we are also a lot more allowing, kind and accepting of ourselves… first and of the other.

The reason this is so important is because we open our minds and when we can do this, new doors of possibilities open up to us. We become empowered rather than reactive. WE become open to new perspective rather than
threatened by differences, we become lighter rather than rigid in our ways and viewpoints. And we start living with more ease and less drama.

When we can see that the problem is never the other person we inevitably start to look within for answers rather than out. And this is where it gets interesting. We get to know ourselves better and as a result we also start to respect ourselves more, but a respect that is self loving not a respect that is self righteous. They are two very different things.

If you dare to, take up the practice, when someone says or does somehting you think is wrong, ask yourself why? The answer is not in why you think they are wrong, the answer is in what it brings up within you.

And what matters is that you become aware of your own inner resistance so that you can free yourself from it. So that you can start living your life without always feeling defensive, hurt or in pain. This allows to let go of that pain/suffering cycle.
There is so much freedom and ease to be found when we no longer identify with what others say or do, we are no longer at the mercy of what other people think, say and do. We not only start living a life that has more ease but we also allow others the freedom to be and do exactly what they need to be and do, to full-fill their own journey. This is what this is all about, our own individual journey in a collective journey where we understand that the benefit of the greater picture starts with the individual element. It is the realisation that it all starts with the self first.

We start creating a greater, happier, more fulfilling life the moment we realise that it is not the outside that needs to change but quite the contrary, it is what is going on that we need to tend to, to weed, we must tend to our own garden for it
to blossom, for it to be the invitation that will inspire and encourage and lift others up in the process, letting go of the need to judge and condemn.

Next time someone says or does something that causes you to react, remember, that it is not what that person said or did that is the real issue, but what it is bringing up inside you that matters, not so that you can better blame but so that you can better get to know YOU, and thus nurture, nourish, accept, forgive and love YOU.

Next time someone says or does something you think is wrong, ask yourself why. Why do you think so and which part of YOU, are you unwilling to acknowledge and receive. The other person is only reflecting an aspect of you
that you are NOT embracing, acknowledging or accepting. And so we are in fact reacting and judging our own self.

Instead be curious about YOU, about your own reactions, triggers, resistance and fears so that you can start letting go of those, so that you can become a greater version of you, not for anyone else, but for you. Not to prove anything but out of love for you, knowing that everytime you look within for answers, you are empowering YOU.
Here in lies our true power.